You know your dom has got Feng Shui when:

* he hangs windchimes from your nipples

* he always makes you kneel facing the South

* he ties you down and surrounds the bed with little saucers of water

* he can only smack you when your bottom is in correct astrological alignment

* he asked you to complete an astrological birthchart before a BDSM questionnaire

* he appears before you in a flowing gown, and its not the famous apricot dressing gown!