This was billed as ‘a unique opportunity to expand trust and deepen intimacy in the bedroom under the guidance of legendary San Francisco Domina and kinky coach Cleo Dubois’. So it was with some trepidation and a great deal of curiosity that Miss Lulu and MsDirtysexybad attended this workshop together (respective partners being otherwise engaged or absent), but an opportunity such as this rarely comes along, so we took a deep breath and opened our minds to the experience.

And what an experience it was! Madame Dubois is an attractive woman of an indeterminate age whose very presence fills the room. In a white painted studio, lit softly by table lamps and fairy lights she began the exploration with the phrase: “We may be called perverts but we are really … explorers”

She proceeded to explain that our psyche is made up of various archetypes and personae, but radiating through it all is libido. She aimed to encourage us to discover who we are when we play erotic games of power and surrender, and why do we prostitute ourselves? For example, bondage is an expression of inner sexual freedom and the feeling of being constrained, when executed where there is trust, gives permission to release.

She used the words ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ to describe ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’ saying she preferred not to use the word ‘slave’, as well as ‘bi-kinky’ as opposed to ‘bisexual’. She explained how she used trust in her relationships, and how abuse and manipulation have nothing to do with BDSM. She first experienced BDSM in it’s true form in San Francisco in the early 80’s, where deaths from AIDS amongst the BDSM community had reached an all time high, and the intense sensations evoked during play allowed the participants to let go of the grief that they felt for their friends and partners who had passed away.

This true form of BDSM transcended SM by incorporating rituality into kinky play, and Cleo Dubois formed the Academy of SM arts. And then came the hands on section of the evening, that everyone had been waiting for... Madame Dubois encouraged us to talk about our fantasies, and how we could vocalise and realise them with prospective partners. We were shown how to generate energy with our hands, and how to integrate heat, heart and spirit into BDSM play. However, not even the two glasses of wine that we had drunk could have prepared us for what we were instructed to do next.

Having partnered up, Madame demonstrated to the group (with the aid of a willing participant), her unique method of exchanging power through touch. To background music, each couple engaged each other by maintaining eye contact, left eye to left eye whilst the top explored their bottom’s pain threshold, starting with a light touch to the upper chest area.

The bottom was told to vocalise their experience, as this would give the top a better understanding of what was working well for them. From the upper chest, play moved to the nipples themselves, again maintaining eye contact, and breathing in synchronisation, to reach a whole new level. In spite of our parent-child relationship, we were both able to put aside our preconceptions of how we should behave, and enjoy the exchange.

The evening continued with Madame Dubois demonstrating, on a (very) willing participant, the way to connect with a new bottom partner. Madame felt that she had seen some very incorrect examples of BDSM play during her visits to various clubs and was keen to demonstrate the correct way to negotiate and enact a fantasy.

Communication was the first step, safe words need to be established and issues such as medical information and whether bruises were acceptable all need to be discussed before any play actually starts. She also emphasised the need for “aftercare”, which she had often seen omitted following play sessions at clubs.

Madame was very keen to conclude with the message that with clear communication, no anger, and respect of mutual boundaries, we can all play with the dark, whilst standing in the light.