I woke Sunday morning at 7.30am. No matter how late I get to bed after clubbing, I can never sleep past my usual time.

I spent the morning playing with Mistress Kim's cat and dogs (pussy jokes were all exhausted last night) in Mistress Kim's back garden.

I needed to know whether Kim and Ken were coming to Kate Osborne's garden party in Archway. The mode of transport would influence the way I dressed.

I'd met Kate at Goddess last year, and at Easter we went to Torture Garden together.

It had been such fun to be a PVC nun on the tube. We made lots of new friends!

After a relaxed Sunday morning, it was decided that I would be going garden partying on my own.

I turned up at Archway at 4pm and was promptly shown a bedroom to change in.

I hadn't felt quite up to wearing my oriental meshy cyberdress on public transport, even though I ended up sitting on a bus next to a girl with an English flag painted on her face.

On went yellow fishnets over black tights, the meshy dress, the new crippling shoes (I love them, Mistress), make-up and the big red wig. I clip-clopped my way into Kate's back garden without my heels going down the cracks in the crazy paving.

Everyone was impressed with my balancing and navigational skills.

I was under strict orders from Mistress Kim to alternate my drinks. Alcohol. Soft drink. Alcohol. Soft drink. Alcohol. Soft drink. Champagne. Alcohol. Soft drink.

And luckily there were lashings of yummy chocolate cake to consume. A healthy diet is so important.

Some of the guests weren't quite sure what to make of a man in a dress with chocolate on his nose, while others seemed very pleased to see me.

I think I frightened away Kate's aunt, but still on the plus-side I found a regular LFS website reader thrilled to be in the same garden as Captain Zip. She knew all there was to know about me.

And I thought Mistress Kim was my only stalker.

My reader can't afford to go clubbing and thus fets vicariously through the website.

Thank you for holding my hand at the London Fetish Fair, Mistress Tempest.

And for my sex change operation.

Kate's new man, Russ, was amazed that I'd made more effort with my fingernails than Kate had made with her toenails.

He even tried on one of my shoes but wasn't quite up to managing both. Brave effort though.

We were all intrigued to observe that he had two conjoined toes on one foot. He was the nearest thing to a mermaid I'd ever met.

It was hot in the garden but maybe I am at last getting the hang of this sun thing. The secret is clearly alcohol, soft drink, alcohol, soft drink, more chocolate cake, champagne, and lots of chat with people who are pleased to see a man in a dress.

How relaxed I have become.

Then there was a phone call for me. Mistress Kim had decided to come to the party after all and was on her way.

An hour later, she turned up in rubber bra and pants, shiny black platforms and a spiky collar. All she needed was a snake on one arm for the complete Queen of Sin look, though it wasn't likely to happen considering that I'd spent much of the afternoon hiding from a rather threatening moth.

We sat in the cool evening air, sipping sippy things, tweaking Zippy's things.

Russ wanted to know the definition of 'snog'. Mistress Kim said, "KIssing with intent".

Impressed, I wrote in my notebook, "Kissing within a tent"

Before long someone was asleep on the garden path. Surprise! It wasn't me.

But my kidnap wasn't entirely over. In moments, I was thrust into the back of the car with a gigantic bottle of Babycham and we were all on our way to Domina.

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