By Queen Jadis and Master D'Arcy Top Ten Types Of Goth - Goths for Dummies

1. Gothdomme

Taking their place at the top of the foodchain are Gothdommes. Often seen within the pages of DDI where they fuse the best elements of goth with domination, Gothdommes are into the classic elements of gothic glamour, and generally style themselves on Hammer Horror goddesses of days gone by, tending to become agitated when compared to the newer breeds of goth, who Gothdommes peer down their noses at whilst making snorting noises and saying things like, "Has s/he never heard of Carroll Borland?!"

2. Chaosgoth

Chaosgoths are of a younger generation who enjoy wearing Chaosphere jewellery and tattoos, whilst knowing little or nothing about the elements of Chaos magic, and most certainly not belonging to the I.O.T. Similar garb includes Baphomet t-shirts and clothing with sigils on it. They like to believe themselves better than the generic Magigoths, who also subscribe to magickal jewellery (pentagrams, Alchemy rings, etc), and are fond of talking about paradigm shifting and reciting passages from Phil Hine books.

3. Cybergoth

Also known as Industragoths, Cybergoths tend to favour hair extensions, Yungfuktoi clothing, and Transmuters boots. They can be found leaping around to industrial music at events like Perversion and Slimelight, and can also be seen every weekend in Camden. Quite possibly the most energetic, and youngest, of the goth hybrids, Cybergoths and Industragoths style themselves on Manga characters and are fond of elaborate make-up and flashing lights adorned around their bodies.

4. Necrogoth

Necrogoths, as the name suggests, are those obsessed with death, or sex and death (also known as Thanaterogoths). Necrogothism tends to manifest at puberty, and although many goths eventually grow out of this stage by their late teens, for some it is a lifestyle choice. They are reclusive characters and are usually found sitting in their bedrooms by candlelight, writing purple prose in purple pencil, and scratching their wrists with razor blades, or sitting in graveyards drinking cheap read wine.

5. Bipolargoth

Bipolargothism is thought to be a syndrome brought about by breathing in hair dye fumes on a regular basis, making Bipolargoths the most depressive of the types. They tend to be easily offended and are therefore more defensive than the other forms, often suffering from schizophrenia and manic depression, which leads to PMTesque behaviour, and regular suicide threats. Many Bipolargoths actually want to be Necrogoths, but lack the single-mindedness due to their excessive mood swings and multiple personalities.

6. Androgegoth

The syndrome of the Goth Bois is probably the best example of the Androgegoth, being androgenous in nature and character, and following the asexual ideals of the vampire inspired goth. There are certain physical rules to being an Androgegoth, the first of which is to have a skinny frame which lends itself to a more effete look, and the ability to walk in high heels whilst drunk is a must. Androgegoths are fond of Vogue dancing, involving elaborate hand and arm movements, whilst standing on the spot. Usually bisexual in nature, Androgegoths prefer partners with similar characteristics.

7. Behemothgoth

Behemothgoths, or BBGs, are those who tip the scales at 13 stones or more, and are fond of squeezing their flesh into corsets worn over layers of velvet. It is interesting to note that, although velvet is the least flattering fabric for a more ample form, it still tends to be the uniform of this hybrid, as though the Behemogoth wishes to emphasise the form, rather than disguise it. Behemogoths were almost always teased at school for their weight, and often chose this lifestyle as a way to rebel against their persecutors, and usually refuse to lose weight as a statement. Their constant sugar levels make them more positive in outlook than the Necrogoth or Bipolargoth for example.

8. Wiccagoth

Wiccagoths, whilst similar to Chaosgoths or Magigoths, are a more friendly variation, who are inclined towards more classic forms of witchcraft and Goddess worship. They can also share characteristics with Behemothgoths, believing that the female form should be more Venus of Willendorf than Lilith, and can often be spotted at esoteric symposiums reading the tarot and talking about their familiars (cats). Sometimes actually starting out as Behemothgoths, they grow into their Wiccagoth persona as they age, and often stay that way for life.

9. Amerigoth

The Amerigoth is a more recent hybrid, usually showing devotion to The Cure and '80s retro music like Duran Duran, whilst trying to assert their gothism by calling themselves by pretentious names and starting websites and fanzines to prove their (un)worth. As the name implies, Amerigoths are more often found in the States, but have spread in smaller numbers to the UK, where they sometimes talk with affected American accents about 'trolls' and get into endless online arguments with others of their kind.

10. Notagoth

Notagoths are those who claim, whilst bearing all the characteristics, that they are not, in fact, goths, and that their hair is naturally L'Oreal blue black, their skin naturally anaemic, and their lips are naturally red. Sometimes also claiming that they were born with fangs and had to have extensive dental work to file them down, Notagoths are possibly the most neurotic of the lot, and in obvious denial of their status. It is the Notagoth who is most likely to turn into a serial killer and, when caught, blame it on the voices whilst trying to pass themselves off as a Bipolargoth.

Queen Jadis, with encouragement and sarcasm kindly provided by Master D'Arcy